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Well, here we are, burning...   
04:43pm 24/05/2007
mood: contemplating the future...

Lots of catching up to do...

Well, it's summer.  The past couple of weeks have been mostly me just hanging out and reading and playing way too many computer games while living at my friend's house.  No apartment yet - I'll be moving in very soon (fingers crossed for this weekend) but the lady who was there who was supposed to move out in time for me to move in before Hiram's graduation decided not to, for reasons unknown.  She finally has, but apparently trashed the place quite nicely, so Chris the landlady has to clean up and repaint and such before I can move in.  I'm excited, though - got a couch and my big trunk that Mama brought up already, and my grandfather is cutting back on possessions, so he's giving me another couch and bookshelves and dressers and chairs and things.  And then my dear roomies Caitlin and Shruti and Caitlin's friend Brian (?) are going to come up to help me decorate the place! :-D

Got a job with catering again (joy abounds), and hopefully the switchboard and gardening people as well.  And and AND...*drumroll*  I'm going to be helping an alum who's a professional ballroom dancer teach a class for Alumni Weekend! :-D  But wait!  There's more!  

I happened to run into my friend Thom, who used to go Hiram, a few weeks ago.  Turns out that he, too, is a pro ballroom dancer - he teaches and he used to compete, before his partner took off for reasons unspecified.  This of course leaves him partnerless, and very much in search of a new one.  Enter myself.  Yup, Thom wants me to be his competition partner, for swing, waltz and maybe some more Latin dances or tango, and if I'm good enough for that, it pretty much guarantees me a job at the place where he works.

So it seems like my life is taking an entirely new direction.  Physics, although I love it dearly and want very much to pursue a career in it, has not been going so well.  If I want to graduate from Hiram with a physics degree, it looks like I'll have to take at least another two years to do it, which costs a pretty penny, and I've only got one more year on my dad's dollar.  I'll have loads more financial aid once I'm basing everything off my own income instead of his, of course, but it'll still take a good deal of money, work and time, and I'm already almost as old as most people who are already graduated and in jobs.  It's still very iffy, but it's looking like performing with Thom, teaching at his school and getting a job on the side as a barista/waitress/tutor for school kids is going to be it for the next few years.  However, if the thing with Thom doesn't work out, there's not all that much holding me to this country, so I might take off to Galway and work there for a year or more.  I've got enough foreign friends from Hiram and other places scattered around the world that I could conceivably just get work permits, travel around, stay with or near the friends and pick up odd jobs.  Who knows?  That type of crazy (by which I mean the sort of thing that my parents would condemn in a heartbeat) adventure sort of thing might wake up my muse again, and I could write pieces about it and send them in to newspapers or something like that, I don't know.  We'll see...

Oh yeah - for anyone who's noticed the "complicated" thing on Facebook...I randomly met someone who's absolutely my polar opposite: he's very conservative, organized to the point of being a little bit OCD, loves to eat meat, listens to country, hunts (has a gun cupboard in his closet, as a matter of fact) and is a navigator in the Air Force, to name a few differences.  Despite those and all the rest, however, we seemed to hit it off pretty well.  In fact, we're pretty much head-over-heels for each other.  There's no explaining it, but that's the situation anyways.  And I'm not so unhappy with it :-)  So yeah, those of you who see me around oftener than the rest of you, if I'm walking along with a stupid grin on my face, it's probably thanks to Will.

So that's basically what's up with my life at the moment.  Some things to be happy about, others to be not quite so happy; but the former outweighs the latter by a good deal right now.  Questions, comments, personal experiences?  Leave comments and I'll get back to ya!

Ooh, and mucho brownie points for anyone who can guess the origins of the quote in the heading and "questions, comments, personal experiences?" :-D

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07:53pm 17/03/2006
  I went to Andy's visitation service today. I guess I'd known, but it didn't really click that it was going to be open-casket until I saw.

His face was all painted up with that makeup they put on dead people.  I dunno what he would have looked like without it, but I doubt much worse.  I looked at his face and his hands.  He had the most graceful long thin hands - I loved his hands.  They were all swollen and puffy and white - no makeup there.  I wanted to touch him but I couldn't.  

I just keep thinking all since - that's not Andy there, that's not my friend.  That's some lump of clay that's going to rot in the ground.  That's not him.  Where's my friend?  I miss him so much.  Why can't he just come back?  Why can't I just wake up out of this, the most horrible nightmare ever, and see him again, hear his voice, dance with him?  That's all  wanted - just to see him one more time, talk to him, hold his hand.  That's all I asked.

Ladies and gentleman, life is not fair.
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It just keeps getting colder   
11:37am 14/03/2006
mood: frozen
Andrew J Hopkins
Septemter 28, 1987 - March 13, 2006
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It looks sunny outside but it's still bitterly cold   
03:00pm 04/03/2006

On the evening of Thursday, March 2nd, Andy Hopkins (18), Evan Da Silva (19) and Grace Chamberlain (18) were on the road near Burton, OH. Andy was driving, Grace was the passenger and Evan was in the back seat. James Cline (47), who's got 10 counts of DUI and no valid license, was trying to escape from the police and swerved into their lane, colliding full-on and sending their car into a ditch.  Andy and Evan were airlifted to MetroHealth in Cleveland and are still in critical condition.  Grace died at Geauga Regional Hospital.  Cline is in stable condition at Hillcrest.

I know Andy pretty well - we're in physics and ballroom dance together, and so I know Evan and Grace sorta by default, since they were almost always together.  I didn't know Grace well enough, but what I did know of her was that she was a wonderfully warm young woman who could brighten anyone's day just by being there.  I'd work long days in Miller and be dragging, and she'd come in and smile and say hi, how are you, and just by that little action my day would be better.  I know it's such a cliche, but she was most definitely  a light in a dark place and the world is darker and colder without her now.

If you pray, pray.  If you don't, remember Grace and hope for the best for Andy and Evan and that justice may be served to the fucker who did this.
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01:39pm 03/11/2005
  Well, I am a Baird...Collapse )

-Nelly B
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01:15pm 24/10/2005
     Read 3 - Post
Pink hair!!!!!!   
08:22pm 17/10/2005
mood: feeelin' good
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01:21pm 11/10/2005
  ? <3 @  
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01:42pm 26/09/2005
mood: eternal winter started today
Stolen from the description of a facebook group that Tierra B. (DSA '04, any Durhamites remember her?) is in (and then slightly edited - I can't help it! Grammar's in my blood!):

"Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their housework duties. The first man married a Northern woman and bragged that he had told her she was going to do all the dishes and all the house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day
he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man married a West Coast woman. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He said that on the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a SOUTHERN woman. He said he'd informed her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed, and this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything either, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he
could see a little out of his left eye.

Gotta love those Southern Women!!!!"

-Nelly B
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Arrr, matey! (stolen from Kate)   
07:52pm 19/09/2005
mood: yarr!
My pirate name is:
Red Jenny Flint
Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Everyone listen to this because it's totally the most awesome song since "Sixteen Men On A Dead Man's Chest."

-Nelly B

08:47pm 18/09/2005
mood: blah
You scored as Storm. Storm is the seconday team leader of the X-Men. She has a peaceful personality but must be careful since her emotions control her powers. She loves gardening and is afaid of tight spaces. Powers: Control of the Weather






Jean Grey
















Emma Frost


Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com
borrowed from Renaissance Charlie   
11:54am 08/09/2005
mood: i feel spoiled and helpless
Watch this.  Please.
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about time!   
05:52pm 26/05/2005
mood: wet cats are always funny

So yeah...in case anyone hadn't realised it already, this journal is mostly friends-only, apart from a few quick "yo's" and memes to reassure the non-"friends" who read this that I'm still alive.  Leave a comment and I'll put you through a grueling 50-page application process before getting bored and throwing it all away and adding you.

-Nelly B

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The warrior doesn't care if he's called a beast or a dog; the main thing is winning. -Asakura Norika   
03:31pm 06/05/2005
mood: it's sunny...it's spring...

You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla


Today was the third-to-last day of classes.  After morning class, everyone (except Lisa, who had to work) went over to Jim's house for quiche, wonderful bread, salad with Ella's special dressing and babas au rhum, which is a baked sweet biscuit-like pastry that's soaked in rum, and then you put whipped cream and cherries on top.  It was fabulous.  Gabrijack brought his friend Sebastien along, who's visiting from Nancy (it's a city in France), who also had longish shaggy dark hair, like Gabrijack himself and also his girlfriend Eloïse.  All of the really French people I've met look like they might be werewolves.  Hm...there might be something to this.  I shall have to research it further.

I'ma go crash before SPRINGFEST!!! starts.  Later.

-Nelly B

Moulinets work best for decapitations.   
08:11pm 07/04/2005
mood: one more day of class...
That's right. I did it too. -Nelly B
LiveJournal Username
The name of your zombie infested home town.
Your zombie killing weapon of choice.
How much do zombies scare you?
Oh noes!!11 A zombie! What do you do?
Blasting zombies left and right with a freaking twelve guage. What do you think?angry_man
Curled into a fetal position crying their eyes out.angry_man
Is pwning some zombies with Don't Stop Me Now playing in the background.codybaker
Is sitting at home watching CNN and eating ice cream.magicalmudshark
Get ripped to pieces by the zombies. Bummer.zimboptoo
Is the zombie king who you must destroy to end the zombie menace.zimboptoo
Number of zombies you decapitate.474
Chances you survive the zombie swarm.
Quiz created by Kingcheapskate at BlogQuiz.Net
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Usually I would have all of Jeph's children, but today...   
03:23pm 01/04/2005
mood: going dancing!

Check this out.  It's the latest Questionable Content comic, which I read religously and usually love each one enormously.  Today, however, Jeph Jaques, who's the brainpower behind it, made a crack about women physicists.  Dunno if I like that too much...

Oh, well.  He still gets away on the basis of cake mix and "music+science=sexy."  Anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about should immediately go to the archives and read all of them, because they rock.  Wait till you have absolutely nothing else to do for a good while, because they will grab you and not let go.  A really cool plus is the many allusions to sometimes-not-so-mainstream music - the Flaming Lips and Sigur Ros were two of the most familiar to me.  As well as Queen, of course.  Hehehe...Yeah.  Cool stuff.  Go look at it.

-Nelly B

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just like Satchel Pooch!   
02:47pm 14/03/2005
mood: it's sunny today
You scored as Socialist.


















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

Not surprising, I think.

-Nelly B
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Quien canta, sus males espanta.   
09:38am 10/03/2005
mood: this little dude has no hair

Update time!!!

I don't have much time, so just the headlines/highlights will go here, and I'll fill in the more personal stuff later.

I got my midterm grades back for this 12-week.  NOT so hot.  I've been having troubles, some of which have been documented here, and they're definitely showing: B in French, C in Fsem and D in Calc.  The D is mostly because of a 46 on a huge test that most of the class failed, so Ionita is letting us retake it.  Hopefully, that'll bring Calc up a bit, but I'm pretty sure that I still won't be on the Dean's List again this sem.  Oh, well.  There's always next year, etc.

Spring break cetainly started off with a bang.  Friday night I was feeling sickish and was lying down on my bed.  Eddie accidentally tickled me (not very hard to do - I've been getting more and more sensitive to a lot of stuff, touch included, lately), which triggered a laughing fit, which turned into a coughing fit, which developed into bronchospasm and led first to a trip to the Geauga ER and then the University one in Cleve until 6:30ish the next morning - quite an ordeal.  I was never told definitively what was wrong with me - just given a Benadryl drip and a prescription for anxiety pills.  Eh.

Spent the rest of Saturday (which it was by the time they let me go) first going back to Hiram and sleeping for about 5 hours, then heading over to Eddie's house in Cleveland.  I LOVE his family, even the dogs, even though they do make me kinda nervous.  Mrs. McGlynn is especially awesome - I spent most of the evening with her when the male McGlynns went off, just knitting (Eddie's alien scarf - it's finally done!) and talking about stuff. 

On Sunday, Eddie and I went to part of a handbell concert with my grandparents.  Pretty music to be sure, but when one must sit through hours on end of it, it definitely can start to sound all the same.  I started feeling faint about halfway through, and my grandpa, happy for an excuse, hurried us out after that number.  We took Eddie home and went back to their house.  It was cold, as it always is there.

Monday was spent mostly sleeping, going between Hiram and Cleveland in various directions, and packing.  I decided to skip the Flogging Molly concert, still feeling sick, and I guess it was a good decision, health-wise, but I'm still disappointed I missed them.

During my flight home on Tuesday, for which there was a rather long layover in Baltimore, I discovered that people are more likely to help me patiently if I wear my glasses and wrap a long scarf around my head like a baboushka and speak with a slight, undefinable, though distinctly "foreign-sounding," accent.  Make of that what you will.  I just like acting.  Hehehe...

Home has been restful, and though I missed an 80-degree day on Monday, it's been absolutely gorgeous, albeit a little cold.  No snow here!  The sky is, as always, a perfect, cloudless, Carolina blue.  I took a nice long run - 5ish miles - Wednesday morning, down through the woods to the river.  Apparently it rains a lot when I'm not here - the river was really high and fast, and the flat rock where I usually sit was nearly covered.  I followed the path through the woods to the end of Matthews Rd (the next one over from mine, Lipscomb Dr) and ran back up that.  It was kinda cold at first, but very sunny and that road is really hilly, so I was warm enough.

Today I went to a doctor's appointment where I was told nothing (but it's okay - I got the picture that the doctor wasn't keeping much from me at all) and then downtown with Mama and Polly for lunch at Cosmic Cantina, and then...got my hair cut.  A lot.  A LOT.  As in it doesn't even touch my shoulders anymore.  It's very curly, also.  I LOOOOOVE it!!!  It's not too short to pull out, but it's a lot harder to reach when I'd be just absently tugging on it, although it is very fun to play with now, being curly.  But anyways...I haven't pulled once yet since I got it, mostly just because it's more of a conscious thing to do with it this way.  Time will tell, and all that, but I'm optimistic.

And now I have to go set the table.

-Nelly B


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11:56pm 14/02/2005
mood: stupidly grinnish

Attention to all those who care:

At approximately 10:45 this evening, I beat Gregory Petersen at chess.  That's right.  I, the learner, have beaten the master.  He laughed merrily (though not, methinks, without a little regret) and called me his "dark padawan."  I was so ecstatic that I couldn't speak for quite a while after making the final move - just laugh out loud and skip around. 

I still am ridiculously happy.  Today has been quite a good one.  I love my family and friends and mon petit ami - although in a slightly different way than friends and family, of course :).  Yeah, V-Day is a horribly commercialised holiday eaten up by the greeting card, chocolate and floral industries, but it provides a lot of ways to make people happy.  The chocolate and flowers kindly given and gratefully received were enjoyed by me and then shared - respectively, with my floor, put out free to all takers in the lounge, and with Greg, who was having kind of a shitty day and was quite cheered up by the rose I brought him.

That's all I really want to do, I've realised.  I want more than anything to be able to make people happy.  I kind of think I'm okay at it, but I could always use more practice.  Anyone who can think of anything, just tell me....

And now I must sleep.  Good night.  Sleep tight.  Sweet dreams...

...and all that jazz.


-Nelly B


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miserere mei, Deus   
05:32pm 13/02/2005
mood: there's no little pic for this

Just got back from a Saturday with the OH/NC/Brasil Tenney fam, all gathered at my grandparent's house in Cleveland Heights. Well, not all. My mom and baby sis Polly (even though she's 12 - the 'baby' is to differentiate between her and little sis Maggie, who's 16) came up to see my uncle, who was visiting from Rio de Janeiro, and it worked out that they could see me, too. And thus happiness abounded.

They brought my Blunnies (awesome Australian Blundstone boots, or Blunnies for short, which I'd kept forgetting), candied ginger, which Polly and I finished within hours, and a wonderfully bright blue-and-green Brasilian tapestry that I've hung on the wall to try and brighten up the room a little. It's working, kinda, although it looks a little bit out-of-place in all the cold Ohio drear - like it misses the sun too. But it does help. And it was really nice to see Mama and Polly again. Eddie came over for a bit to be subjected to Mama's scrutiny, brief interrogation, photo session and subsequent approval. Polly, who spent the night, was raving about him: he's "sooo sweet" and "sooo cute" and "sooo nice," even though she got gently urged to go elsewhere for a bit while he was over. And apparently, my very proper grandmother was shown the pics from Mama's photo session and decided that he's "quite handsome" and definitely looks like "a catch."

Wow. I just looked out my window. The sun's now low enough that it can peek a bit through the cloud cover, just enough to lend a hint of color back into the view. The winter trees are all tinged with a deep reddish-brown at the tips of their branches, but most of the rest of them is a soft white. They fade to a haze of darker red-purple further away, and where the forest abruptly stops, you can see the bluest of blues, just before the world ends and the sky begins: horizon blue, wanderlust blue - a misty, just-beyond-your-sight blue with the sweetest, wildest, most seductive siren song in the world; of such a color that you don't know if it could be earth or sky or someplace in-between; the color that awakens such a fierce longing to go that I have no idea why I'm still here in this little one-hoss town, or in any town with any number of hosses, when the horizon is screaming and whispering my name with such fierceness.

Then I remember: I'm too comfortable here.  I have a nice, safe life.  I love my friends and family, and think that I would miss them too much if I just up and left.  I fret about grades, which lead to various degrees at various other institutions of higher learning, which lead to various jobs with various salaries, and thus eventually (though I dread it with all my being) a rut with no hint of the sky.

Someday I'll go.  Someday I'll pack the bare essentials and head off, with only a note or a kiss for goodbye.  Someday the song of all that wild blue yonder will be stronger than all the little pins that hold me down, and I'll break them and run for my life.

Someday I'll stop saying someday...


-Nelly B
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